I feel so bad for people who have to deal with narcissists/manipulators/gaslighters all on their own. I literally had a gang of 2/3 other people who witnessed and experienced it with me and could reinforce my thoughts and feelings, but even STILL there were moments that the narcissist made me feel absolutely insane and i questioned almost everything!!! Going into 2020 leaving codependency far far behind. Cheers to that

Some thoughts as I have less than an hour left of this chapter of my life…

Year 21 was the hardest, most challenging, soul-crushing, confusing, frustrating, disappointing, and life-altering year of my life.

But at the same time it was eye-opening and real and LIT.

The “break you down to build you back up” shit is REAL. And this year has broken me down 10 times over. Every time I was almost done rebuilding a section, another would come crashing down. It’s been incredibly disheartening… but it’s weird cause I know they’re crumbling for a reason. Either I saw the cracks before and I ignored them, or I look back and can so clearly see the imperfections. So yeah everything is breaking down and rebuilding is and has been the most monotonous and exhausting thing I’ve ever had to do but I know that the results are going to be more beautiful than anything I could even imagine. Everything happens for a reason. A lot of people are only meant to be in your life for a short period of time. Letting hate and resentment fade away is HARD and it is a process but it is so necessary. Therapy is vital!!!! Don’t let things get too out of control before you ask for help.

As difficult as this period has been, I’ve realized so much about myself…. what I need to improve on, what I need to seek and demand from my relationships, what values I hold and absolutely cannot compromise on, etc. Even though my circle is the smallest it has ever been, I can’t help but cry (and I mean sob) when I think about how fruitful each of those relationships are. Even though my life is actively falling apart and I feel like every aspect of it is out of my control, I’m somehow the happiest I’ve ever been? I am enveloped in so much love!!!!! I am so blessed!

babby-bella:

2019 is very personal, i owe myself alot.

(via soulxbliss)

Posting this mostly for myself but feel free to read. I think it’s interesting but then again it’s my life 🤷🏾‍♀️ I’m a cap moon /scorpio sun so obvi have issues expressing emotions and sharing certain parts of myself but it was getting toxic holding it in so here’s my truth. Oh I’m also about to start therapy, don’t worry